Guess what is cheaper than a pair of Forever 21 leggings? A bag of frozen mussels. Seriously, they cost $1.99. Frozen mussels are also way better than a pair of Forever 21 leggings, for almost innumerable reasons. For one thing, they don’t pill where your inner thighs rub together, they don’t come from a secretly Christian company that has “John 3:16″ printed on the bottom of its shopping bags, and you don’t have to buy them from a dead-eyed girl wearing a denim corset over a polo shirt. So far, so good.
But they also taste really good and take very little time. I know, fresh shellfish is better and not that much more expensive, but I think my cooking has a secret trashy throw-together-things-from-the-pantry streak. Linguine and clam sauce has this same effect. Dashing budget gourmet or what have you. You can be like me, or not be like me. I care not at all.
SO. This is what you need:
A bag of frozen mussels
A can of chopped tomatoes
A chopped yellow onion
A glass of white wine (I used Vinho Verde but I think something more buttery would go better)
Olive oil
Fresh thyme (dried if you are a scrub)
A piece of bread
SO. This is what you do.
You pour yourself a glass of wine, because it is fun to cook with a glass of wine around, even if you are like me and get so busy cooking that you forget to drink it.
Put some bread in the oven at 350 to heat through while you do the rest of the stuff. I used ciabatta because it’s spongier and the whole point of bread here is to soak up sauce.
Heat up some olive oil and cook the onions and until they’re browned a little, but not completely carmelized. Add some fresh thyme a few minutes before they reach this state, and some salt. Dump a glass of wine in there. It will give you a wine facial. That might be a bad thing. Antioxidants? Shit, I don’t know. Anyway, wait for the alcohol to burn off–you’ll be able to see that the liquid in the pan has reduced by half and the raging alcohol smell will be gone. At that point, add the chopped tomatoes. You might want to add only half a can if you don’t want the sauce to be too chunky. Bring the pan to boil and add the frozen mussels right away. The mussels will start popping open pretty much right away, but keep cooking them until they heat through a little more. Shellfish is serious business. Take out any mussels that didn’t open. They are the bad guys and you do not want to eat them.
Hey, you’re done! Take out the bread and ladle the mussels and sauce into fancy shallow bowls. You can put out a bowl for the shells, or you can throw them into your yard like I do. But then later when you complain about possums in your yard you will know it’s your fault.
